The Best Lover Award From Local to Global 2013
Christopher M. Zelig
Best Lover in New York City Award
Chris Zelig New York City’s Best Lover ?
To settle the debate on who is New York City’s Best Lover Christopher M. Zelig performed an independent study to find out the truth. The study took 18 months. Below are the details of the study:
- No. Chris Zelig is not the best lover in NYC. He only performed the study to find out who was the best lover in NYC
- Christoper M. Zelig utilized a scientific method he learned in 9th grade.
- Many drunk men and women were surveyed. Drunks and Children typically tell the truth.
- Chris Zelig the best lover in New York City? Impossible. He was conducting the survey, but strong biased evidence supported it to be himself.
Requirements of the Best Lover in the NYC
- Full set of sexual organs.
- Above the age of 21.
- Ability to do the alleged mythical practice called Foreplay .(Men not judged on this.)
- Ability to make sandwiches after sex.
- Ability to whisper sweet nothings or talk dirty in another language (French, Pig Latin, Spanish, English, Ebonics or whatever Honey Boo Boo Speaks.)
- Escorts not included. (Too much experience.)
The study selected 100 potential candidates to be New York City’s Best Lover and Chris Zelig was not one of them. Locating the best lover in the Big Apple is not an easy task. Everyone thinks they are amazing in bed. Researchers were shocked to learn that many NYC residents thought that certain sexual practices were considered incredible and helpful, when in fact they were not. Although, a small group of people had one thing in common: “Boys have a penis and girls have a vagina”
Aside from that, the group did not have characteristics that the standard NYC demographic would have. Out of these final 100 people, the group was narrowed down to the top 10. Soon there was only 5 and then 2. The study has a 99% chance of Error.
The Best Lover in Big Apple Male Choice
The Best Love in Big Apple Female Choice
If you feel that Chris Zelig is New York City’s Best Lover, he is not. For religious reasons he is a virgin. However, he is very respected for his best lover studies by millions of people and himself. Well, really it is only him and you have to minus the millions of people. Christopher M. Zelig has received multiple requests to determine who is the best lover on other planets, best lover in LA, best lover in Las Vegas, best lover on the planet Earth, best lover in the universe, best lover in Manhattan, and best lover in Utah.
New best lover studies coming to the following cities:
Best Lover on the Planet Earth
The best lover on the planet is a very hard study to conduct. To truly understand how the study would have to be conducted, one has to realize that the majority of the planet is made of water. So, if you want to know the best lover on Earth, you have to throw fish in the equation. Now, you could be dealing with Mermaids to Jelly Fish. Chris Zelig has been to the ocean on several occasions and feels confident to award the best lover on Earth too.
Best Lover in The USA
The best lover in the USA is a great award to receive. The US is made up of 5o states and some other countries that USA thought was cool and sort of “helped out.” Considering most people lie about their sex lives we decided to carefully study reality tv shows. We found Flavor Flav of the Flavor of Love to meet all of the requirements necessary to be classified as the best lover in the USA. One of the qualifications of being the best lover in the USA was the ability to bowl well. Mr. Flav is a hell of a bowler.
Best Lover in Las Vegas
This is nearly impossible to determine, because what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. So who is the best lover Vegas? There have been numerous sex sessions on the Las Vegas strip, due to excessive consumption of alcohol and low moral standards of it citizens and tourists. Christopher Zelig asked Valets, Club Owners, Escorts, and Psychics to determine who the best lover in Vegas is. We are still waiting for his findings. In fact, he got to Vegas and we are still waiting for his return. Some say he got distracted with the flashy lights, spectacular architecture and, oh yes, those slot machines.
Best Lover in Los Angeles
The best lover in Los Angeles was a very difficult classification to award somebody. With horrible traffic, the carbon monoxide fumes have caused serious damage to its citizens. Causing them to be fake, excessive seekers of plastic surgery and incapable of having a good night life. However, very good at providing nice destinations to surf. However, the best lover in LA was found. We took a survey on Facebook and determined the winner to be Nicky Zelig.
Best Lover in Utah
The best lover in Utah had some issues occur at its inception. First the people demanded there be a best lover in SLC, also known as best lover in Salt Lake City. Then a best lover in Provo was requested. In the end, it was determined that the classification would not be split into different jurdisictions and remain at a state level. This was an easy study to do. It only took a few days to determine the best lover in Utah. Most people in Utah get married at an early age. Many of those people abstain from sex. Therefore, many people only have sex when they are married. Married people do not have sex. That means there were not that many who could be part of this study. The clear winner goes to that man, who could keep 30 plus women happy.
Worst Lover on the Planet
The worst lover on the planet is an honor of itself. If you cannot be #1, you might as well be last. The worst lover on the planet has not been determined, but stay tuned.